Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
