my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Randomize
