When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
i think im in europe. pls send help
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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