Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize