How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize