Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize