After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
