I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
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