He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
