You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
this is an emotional support booty call
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
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