even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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