I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
