if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
