No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
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