Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
