I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
