they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
