Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
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