it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize
