thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
