Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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