your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
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