That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
I'm having to shit out rocks
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