College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
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