Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
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