i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Of course I have a pirate flag
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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