I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Randomize
