No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Randomize
