im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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