Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
