I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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