how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize