he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
