Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
