non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
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