Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
