Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Alive.
So much puke
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize