I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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