You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize