Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
