my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I wear drunk well.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
