I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
