Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Randomize
