I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
accomplished twins. life is a go
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
