never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
