before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Randomize
