Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
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