I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
Randomize