I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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