Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
