My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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