sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
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