he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Randomize
