I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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