Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize