do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
