Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
My vagina just clenched in fear
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