so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
