well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Randomize
