Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Randomize
