You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Randomize
