Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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