Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Randomize
