8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
