Swine flu. Run for my life!
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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