i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Randomize
