she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
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