im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
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