I hate your face
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
