So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
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